Tonight, as I surf from one blog to another and click on someone’s blog that someone else knows, I find this little boy, Bennett (or go here). I do not know all the details about him, but I saw his picture and that was enough to pull me in. A picture that I know all to well. A picture that will never be anything but personal to me, no matter who the baby is. So tonight, I prayed over this baby’s picture. I prayed for healing. For God to show His power through Bennett by a miracle. For God to give Bennett the life that Noah did not have. For God to bless his parents, Travis and Kelly, by letting them watch Bennett grow up. I do not know this family, but my heart will forever be drawn to families who suffer like I did.
But the reason for my title… After looking at the picture of Bennett, I went back to my picture of Noah. First thought: He sure was cute. Next thought: Is that my child? Was that real? Did I actually give birth to a baby that is not here anymore? For me now, so much of Noah is a memory, a feeling, an emotion. Noah is in my heart, he is in my mind, but he is not something visual to me. I can remember touching him, kissing him, holding him. But until I see the pictures, until I watch the video, I forget how real it all was. Let me tell you how much those can bring him back to me. And now 2 years later, in a new house, a new city, I still wish he were here. We continue to miss your presence Noah Allen Whaley.
Julie,
You never met me, but I am in Sunday school with your brother and have commented before. I miss Noah for you, and as I read Bennett’s blog you are the first person I thought of. I cannot say that I know how you feel, but I hope you feel love still today from people who pray for you still. My daughter and Noah are close to the same age, and every time we eat at a resturant with a balloon we get one for Noah too, and then we go outside and give it to him. Your testimony and faith has made a lasting impression on my life. Thank you for sharing!
I am sorry for your loss of Noah, Julie. I have read your blog about sweet Noah and I am sorry that God’s granted time on earth with him was so short. I have been reading your blog for a while. You lived across the hall from me our freshman year at ACU. Anyway, I have lifted up baby Bennett many times today and have included your family in those prayers tonight as well.
I’ve been thinking about Noah a lot over the last couple of days. I miss him and remember him all the time. I love little Noah and can’t tell you how grateful I am to have seen him and touched his sweet little arms and legs. I’ll hold that close to me for the rest of my life.
And you’re right – he sure was cute.
I went to see the NICU waiting room yesterday….what a peacefull place. I could feel Noah’s love in that room. I sat and said a little prayer for your family while looking at the pictures of the balloons. We love you guys and pray for peace and comfort
I can’t help but be drawn in by Bennett’s story, the same way I was captured by yours. I know what it is to love a little boy so much it actually hurts. I am thankful in these circumstances that we pray to a God who experienced and understands watching a son endure unspeakable pain. You are never far from my thoughts.
We so desperately miss Noah too. I longed for our boys to be best friends and to watch them grow together- I still ask, why, why? My heart breaks reading about Bennett and oh, how it brings it all back. I can’t even breathe right now remembering the desperation and prayers. I love you so much and I am also praying for you as I can’t imagine what this is like for you- be brave, be strong, as God has all of this in his control. Oh, how I wish I could take your pain away! I miss you!
Julie,
I don’t know how to express how I felt when I stumbled across your blog and read the details of your life the past few years. I am so sorry you lost your precious boy. I am sorry I didn’t know. I am sad we haven’t kept in touch since college. I just wanted to tell you that I think of you often and hope you and Ethan and your sweet girls are doing well.
Kimberly (Sublette) Holmes