It is hard to believe that it has been 8 years. To me, Noah has always been a little baby. That round-faced, brown-haired little angel. Today, I began to really think of him as a kid. Of course, I have no idea what form he is in Heaven today, but that is the great thing. I have the liberty of thinking of Noah in whatever way brings my heart joy. And today, he is 8. I like the idea. We are waiting for Dad to get home from work so we can celebrate with cupcakes and let our balloons go. The kids honestly love this day as much as Christmas, I think. Audrey has the same love and understanding of her brother as Alyssa and that is beautiful to me. So does Megan’s entire Kinder class too, since she shared the story of Noah with them all this week.
This day has changed quite a bit over the years. Some were harder than others, but I embrace the fact that again, I can make it what I want. And we are still thriving with the cake and balloon release. I think a lot of times, people think that they have to grieve or remember is specific ways, but there is freedom when you understand that you can do it your way.
Recently, I have realized that my story of Noah has really traveled with me. When we moved from Houston to TN, I was worried that no one would know about Noah. No one would know that I was “supposed” to have a son. But as time allowed, his story came out. And as I shared my experiences with others, I shared my God, and my faith. Then as cancer came, those same friends watched me face it again. When I moved back to TX, I was able after time, to share my story of Noah and cancer with new friends. And each one in Austin was as touched as the first ones who were there in person in Houston or TN. I am thankful that our moves have given our stories room to grow and touch more people.
Thank you to those who continue to remember with us.
I think it is great that you’ve found another spot to land and are growing with it, and I’m thankful to hear that you are finding good relationships there. God continues to bless!
Hi Julie – I’m Heart Miller’s SIL (we all went to Dulles together)… I’ve been keeping tabs on your beautiful family through your blog, a couple of times a year. And, this one from May called my name for some reason… and, after reading it, realized why. Heath and I prayed and grieved with you when you lost Noah, and when we lost a pregnancy at 15 weeks back in August 2009, I thought of you losing your boy. This would have been our 3rd boy to complete our family, and just last week I was watching Griffin (7.5yrs) and Hudson (5yrs) and thinking that they could have had a little tag along 3.5yr old with them too. But, instead of feeling those old weepy feelings, it just made me smile. Finally!