I never think that God’s message to me is ill-timed. But the opposite. He knows exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. To set the stage, I am home alone. I have been for the past 3 nights. Ethan, his mom and the girls are in WV visiting his grandfather. I requested to stay behind for some much needed time to myself. As I am working on the computer tonight, I feel led to listen to a podcast (my music selection on iTunes was getting old). I do not listen to podcasts very often so I find this message even more God sent. I decided to look up my old church in First Colony, well, because I love listening to RN. The message I heard tonight was on wisdom. From the book of James, he reads:<\/p>\n
“5<\/sup> If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.”<\/p>\n Wisdom is there, all I have to do is ask. Back to timing. This scripture would have been helpful to me anytime in the last month as I weighed the options for surgery. If it could have just hit me in the face that I needed to ask for wisdom, maybe all of this would be easier. Of course, I knew that God held my answer. But what is it about ourselves that time after time we want to do it on our own? Hey, I know, I will ask my friends. I will ask my husband, he should be involved in this decision. The doctor, yes, the doctor will tell me the best choice. But none of those worked. In the end the decision came down to me. Further in James it says:<\/p>\n “6<\/sup> But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7<\/sup> Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8<\/sup> Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do.”<\/p>\n And receive nothing from the Lord is what I got during those first weeks. I was dividing my loyalty. Deep down, I wanted God’s answer, but I was going to see if I could get something good from the world first. And it was not until I was at the end of my sanity, that I could bow to Him and truly ask for His help. To admit that I cannot do this alone. To admit that I do not know how to proceed. And plead for a sign. Plead for wisdom. I know you are not surprised to hear that God delivered. While I would love to share this awesome experience, it is personal (if there is such a thing on this blog anymore). But I want you to know, that on the day I gave up trying to put my faith in the world, God showed me why I can put my faith in Him. All I needed to do was ask.<\/p>\n And with that, a decision has been made. I will have surgery April 13th to remove the cancer. I will have lymph nodes tested and when I come out of surgery they will be able to tell us if and how far the cancer has spread. With those results and a few more post-op tests, a treatment plan will be made. The best scenario is that I will have radiation for 6 weeks. If the cancer has spread or is bigger than they think, I will most likely need chemo.<\/p>\n Here, my friends, is the best part: “12 <\/sup>God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” As RN summed up, I will not be complaining of the radiation or chemo that I had to endure once I am in heaven. For after this testing is complete. After my life on this earth is over. I will receive the crown of life. And is that not better than anything I could ever hope for?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I never think that God’s message to me is ill-timed. But the opposite. He knows exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it. To set the stage, I am home alone. I have been for the … Continue reading