Grief tonight is my soccer team going 0-8 for the season with a goal differential of 56-10. That hurts. I certainly could have had a better season. Oh well.<\/p>\n
Another picture of grief is my two-year-old not sleeping during nap time the last two days. You can just picture the grief on Julie’s face; I didn’t have to. I’m guessing I am part of the problem. I’ve been off work for most of the month of May which means almost everyday is Saturday. And Saturday’s are great when they only occur once a week, but now Julie and I are little bit confused. Alyssa might be as well.<\/p>\n
That is the hardest part of all this. What the heck is normal supposed to look like? Is normal merely a daily routine that you get up and complete without incident or real exertion? Is it trying to go back to the way things were before he Noah was born? I am not sure that is even possible or desired. I know I have been changed by this experience, but it pains me to think that we might slide right back into the old routine before Noah was born. Noah’s life should mean more to me. It should change my life. Things should be different in some profound way, and somehow it doesn’t really feel like it. But why not? I know that I have tendency to be short sighted and like most people do not want to for God to reveal his full plan. I think time will only reveal the path that God has laid before us.<\/p>\n
So what happens in the meantime when I go back to work and things return to “normal”? Julie and I anticipated for so long the change that a new baby would bring. New adventures, new opportunities to learn and teach. Someone else for Alyssa to play with. I think Julie and I both agree that life with siblings leads to a richer and fuller experience, and we are saddened for Alyssa. We hurt when she says she misses Noah, and that she loves him. Such a sweet child that it breaks my heart that she might have to wait for those experiences. Oh how I long for the new normal we anticipated.<\/p>\n
So maybe normal will just have to reshape itself everyday. Lord we are clay and you are potter. Maybe God will continue to mold us back to normal. I suppose that’s what I really want… to feel normal. Lord, today I need to believe your words from Ephesians 1:11-12\u00c2\u00a0“In him we were also chosen, having been predestined according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity with the purpose of his will, in order that we, who were the first to hope in Christ, might be for the praise of his glory.” – Ethan<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Grief tonight is my soccer team going 0-8 for the season with a goal differential of 56-10. That hurts. I certainly could have had a better season. Oh well. Another picture of grief is my two-year-old not sleeping during nap … Continue reading