I am certain that this would have been easier to write if only I had listened to your mother. She asked me repeatedly to write something in your journal before you were born, and like most husbands I foolishly disregarded your mother’s sentimentality. It probably would have been a letter filled with hope and the promise of things to come, but now you have come and gone so quickly I almost don’t know where to start.<\/p>\n
I’d be lying if I said it didn’t thrill me to find out I was having a son. I think deep down inside every man dreams of it. Finally, someone else in the house who can communicate in grunts and groans. Someone else to make messes your mother can’t recognize. Someone else who might actually enjoy watching endless hours of sports. I really only mention these because I am sure that your mother is rolling her eyes just as my mother is doing. I would have enjoyed teaching you that skill as well.<\/p>\n
I’d like to think that you had enormous potential. Maybe you would have worn the Chelsea blue or played in a World Cup. Maybe a businessman with the highest of acumen and skill. Maybe a minister with a gift for speech and God’s insight. Or maybe a father who faithfully served God and loved his wife and children. But all those dreams seem insignificant compared to everything I know we would have done.<\/p>\n
We would have fallen asleep on the couch together during your sister’s nap time. We would have kept your mom up later than she wanted. We would have delighted your grandparents with each of your new words or skills. As you grew older we would have driven countless hours to countless soccer games. We would have done tons of homework around a kitchen table where we would have shared dinners with your mom and sister. We would learn to use tools, learn to shave and tie a tie; things a father should teach a son. The same things my father was able to teach me.<\/p>\n
I wish I would have been able to teach you how to be a man of God. To love your wife as Christ loves his church. To pray for guidance and wisdom from the Lord as you lead your family. To teach you about sexual purity in the face of overwhelming odds. To use scripture as the cornerstone of your life. And while I would be the first to admit I lack in these areas, maybe just maybe, we would have made each other better. And once all the arguments and words about why some clothes, behaviors, girls, and friends are just inappropriate you would be able to stand on your own and make Godly decisions. Your mother and I would be able to stand before our God as stewards of his child with the knowledge that we set you free with your own faith and love of Jesus Christ.<\/p>\n
Somehow it never worked out that simple, as God had bigger plans for you. The story of your life spread far and wide in a matter of days. People began praying and calling on the name of the Lord for healing in you; healing that never came. But before you left us, relationships with the Lord were renewed, hearts were softened and Mommy and Daddy were able to share our faith. I hope that we were your voice reflecting the glory of God as Paul describes in 1 Corinthians 2:<\/p>\n
“When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power.”<\/p>\n
Noah, I will always consider myself blessed when you opened your eyes as I carried you in your final moments, as though to give Julie and me one last message “Mommy and Daddy I can go home now”. My son, now I know that you can and I am proud to be your father. -Ethan<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am certain that this would have been easier to write if only I had listened to your mother. She asked me repeatedly to write something in your journal before you were born, and like most husbands I foolishly disregarded … Continue reading