To My Noah,
\nHello, Goodbye. Those words from a Michael W Smith song, have played in my head since the day you were born. I remember hearing the song for the first time, but I did not understand the emotions that were behind the words I sang. Today is very different. Though I have thought of that song everyday for the last week, I did not play it until today. This IS the hardest thing I have ever had to face. You and I have barely met, and I just don’t want to let go of you. I want to wake up to your beautiful face everyday, I want to see your smile, I want to see you run around with Alyssa, and I want to hold you for more than just a while. But that was not God’s plan. Though I will not experience many things with you, God blessed me with so many precious memories. Sitting by your bedside everyday whispering in your ear, kissing your sweet face, the smell of your skin, holding you in my arms, singing to you, wrapping your tiny fingers around mine when you could not hold them there alone. I look back at our 8 days together and treasure every moment I had with you, and I pray that your sweet face will always stay in my memory.<\/p>\n
Noah, you were a sacrifice for this world. God sent you for a reason and you served his kingdom well. Our Lord used your life to bring families together, to strengthen the Body of Christ, and to bring others to their knees in prayer. I truly believe that because of your life, heaven’s population has increased. And when your job here was done, I was finally able to hold you in my arms and see your beautiful face – no wires, no tubes, no nurses. Hold you and pretend that everything was okay for just a moment. We stared at you and talked to you for an hour. We sang Alyssa’s favorite bedtime songs, we told you we loved you, and I gave you some advise for Heaven. Go find your Nanny Conner, she will be waiting for you. If she falls asleep, help her hold her cup of coffee. And Pappy, I am sure he has found his brown recliner in Heaven, and well just make sure you don’t sit in it. There will be so many welcoming you with loving arms. And when you get there, save us a place.<\/p>\n
I kept a journal for you while I was pregnant, and tears came to my eyes today as I read what I wrote 2 days before you were born:<\/p>\n
“Pregnancy is a wonderful thing, and in the long run I really don’t care what I have to experience to bring you to this world. I want to see your beautiful face, and I just want to hold your tiny body next to mine. I want to teach you all the things that I have learned in my life so you never have to be hurt or sad. But I have to settle for giving you to God, and letting Him lead and guide you.”<\/p>\n
I am amazed that the simple things I wanted, God provided. I was finally able to see your beautiful face, and even if just for a while, I held your tiny body next to mine. Free of this world, you will never have to be hurt or sad. God is good.<\/p>\n
The time with you passed too quickly. But I am comforted that when it was time to go, you were at peace, you felt no pain, and you went from my loving arms directly to the arms of your Savior. There is no other place I want you to be, but safe in the arms of our God.<\/p>\n
I will never forget you,
\nMommy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
To My Noah, Hello, Goodbye. Those words from a Michael W Smith song, have played in my head since the day you were born. I remember hearing the song for the first time, but I did not understand the emotions … Continue reading