I am not sure why I am awake, again, at this hour. But here I am. Ethan and I are overwhelmed by the number of comments and emails we have received. The news of our Noah has literally spread around the country in days. From best friends to high school friends we have not heard from in 10 years. We are blessed by the body of Christ that surrounds us. Thank you for all your prayers, I know they are working.<\/p>\n
Steve did not mention our miracle-prayer today. After receiving devastating news that Noah was not likely to be anything other than what he shows us today, which is a beautiful baby in a “vegetable-like” state, we were immediately surrounded by family and friends at the hospital. We talked and cried and eventually were led in a prayer by Hal. A beautiful site to see. A group of 20 or more in a circle in the middle of the waiting room. We lifted Noah up to God and asked for a miracle. Immediately after those words, the waiting room phone rang. We did not answer, but know that it was a call from God saying, I hear you and I will show you what I can do. After that prayer, we returned back to be with Noah and his condition had improved. He arches is back, deliberately moves his arms and legs, grasps your finger slightly, has a little eye movement and a slight suck reflex. At first his neonatal doctor said, “Good”. But did not sound like he really believed me. Later that day, as nurses and doctors saw these movements, they were more and more amazed. Ethan had asked them if they had an explanation for these small miracles, and I immediately spoke up “GOD”. What does this mean for Noah? We do not know. I truly believe it is God’s way of showing me that He is still in control, and He can answer our cry for a miracle. I went home with a little hope tonight.<\/p>\n
I would also like to note some thoughts from a friend of my brother, who is going through something similar with her precious baby:
\nI put mascara on today. I think it was my way of saying that today was going to be a good day; that I wasn’t going to cry to the point that it would all run down my face. It’s the end of the day and I still have it on. I guess its been a “good” day, for me anyway.
\nI walked with Sophia to the park this afternoon and all I could think about was that I should have two kids with me now. There is a certain void everywhere I go that will only be filled when and if Ira comes home. I was telling Joe a couple days ago how weird it is to go from being pregnant to not. To go from everyone staring at me (I was just so big) and giving me their seats on the subway (most of the time) to becoming just another face in the crowd. Usually new moms have their baby in tow like a trophy they can show off to those around them of what they’ve been through. I have nothing. I walk around knowing I had a baby two weeks ago but nobody else knows. It makes me wonder what burdens those around me are secretly carrying in their heart that nobody knows about.
\nIra is so beautiful. I love the smell of his skin. I love to stroke his black hair. I love to kiss his cheek and let his little fingers wrap around my one. I long for the day when I will get to hold him, when my touch won’t cause him to de-sat (de-sat = fits = plummeting stats). I wait for the time when his cry will no longer be silenced by tubes but will be heard by everyone around.<\/p>\n
My thoughts to Laura are as follows:
\nLaura, I had been keeping up with Ira and the struggles in his life on a daily basis. Sometimes checking the blog several times a day, just waiting for an update. I did that until this past Tuesday when my precious Noah was born. Since that moment, we have joined your aching hearts on a roller-coaster ride with his life. The main difference between us is that we assumed we would give birth to a healthy boy and bring him home days later to meet his big sister (2). There is also a difference in our babies health, but there are so many similarities in the things that really matter. I read your notes tonight and after a “terrible” turned into “hopeful” day, I begin to cry again. EVERYTHING you wrote, I feel too. I look around my house and see what was supposed to be. I see his bed next to mine, that I imagined pulling him out of every few hours to feed. Then I see the pump, that now takes the place of his beautiful, soft lips. I see his toys, that his sister wants him to play with. The double stroller that was supposed to take us around the block together. I long for the days when he was tucked safe inside me, though now I even wonder when that was. I too, love his smell, his skin, rubbing his dark hair. I am amazed by the responses we receive from our blog, our church, our friends. But it does not replace the feelings I have to want to open my eyes and this to be just a dream. To just say, “ok, God…. now” and look to see if his eyes are open. I am there with you Laura, and I will pray for you everything I pray for myself.<\/p>\n
– Julie<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am not sure why I am awake, again, at this hour. But here I am. Ethan and I are overwhelmed by the number of comments and emails we have received. The news of our Noah has literally spread around … Continue reading