I am there. I am at that breaking point where everything is getting to me. Is it the hormones, the timing, the anxiety? I think I was there for about 2 weeks waiting on Alyssa and with Megan we induced so early, I missed it. But here I am: excited, worried, anxious, hopeful, doubtful, joyful and scared. How can you have all of that at once? I had my last appointment today and I am scheduled to check in the hospital Sunday evening and they will begin the induction Monday morning. And trying to convey my fears and what will make me feel better to 5 different doctors has been annoying and frustrating. I have been on rotation at the doctor’s office since week 20 and I felt I had to re-tell my story each time. After some serious convincing, I got my “original” doctor to agree to the induction even though there are no real signs of labor in my future. I thought we were on the same page all along and her comments on not wanting to induce if I am not “ready” were enough to send me over the edge today. As I said, she gave in, but made it clear that I was accepting the risk of c-section if the pitocin didn’t work. I guess she doesn’t understand that a healthy baby via c-section is a big step up from no baby at all.<\/p>\n
So we are 4 days and 4 nights away from Audrey (as Alyssa puts it). I have everything in the house ready and while that feels great and makes me smile just to walk past her little bed imagining her there, it also brings out emotions that apparently I have been pushing down. The more joy I try to let myself feel, the more pain I feel. The more “what ifs” creep in. Should I just put this all in God’s hands? Or can I make one more ultrasound and just check on her again? Whatever is done or will be done, is done, so what role can I play in this? I guess with Megan’s pregnancy I was so well cared for, that I believed without a doubt that she was perfect, she was healthy. This time, I feel I have gotten the shaft a bit from all these doctors that don’t really understand. I guess I felt you all deserved one more heart-felt post from me. One more spill your guts to all interested parties post. So there it is. I am hopeful for the beautiful baby that I dream of, but am truly scared of the reality that this world can hand down.<\/p>\n
We will post news and\/or photos as soon as we can. See you again on the other side.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am there. I am at that breaking point where everything is getting to me. Is it the hormones, the timing, the anxiety? I think I was there for about 2 weeks waiting on Alyssa and with Megan we induced … Continue reading