{"id":240,"date":"2008-07-14T08:13:11","date_gmt":"2008-07-14T14:13:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/whaleylife.com\/blog\/archives\/240"},"modified":"2008-07-14T08:13:11","modified_gmt":"2008-07-14T14:13:11","slug":"in-the-quiet","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.whaleylife.com\/blog\/archives\/240","title":{"rendered":"In the Quiet"},"content":{"rendered":"

It is quiet in the house today. We took a last minute visit to Houston this weekend and left the girls there. My parents will meet us in Dallas on Thursday for my grandfather’s 90th birthday. I usually find myself on the computer during quiet moments. This morning was no different. I began by doing some work I needed to finish for a client, moved on to blogs, and found myself watching Noah’s video<\/a>. Have you seen it lately? I love to see his precious body. The video scans up and down him as he lay in his first NICU bed. We didn’t have any idea that something was really wrong on that day. But I love to see him breathe. I love to look at his little toes and his precious body. I guess that video is as close as I can get to him now. Lately, I have found myself more emotional than usual, pregnancy I guess. Like last night, I was crying – multiple times – at the movie, Definitely, Maybe. Then couldn’t control myself after a silly, ridiculous comment Ethan made that just seemed to hurt my feelings. So this morning, in the quietness, I find myself hurting again. Just a sadness for my loss maybe. Seeing the excitement in Alyssa at 23 months old to meet her brother and knowing now how she misses him too. Without really understanding what she is missing, she just knows there is pain with Noah. Honestly, finding out that this baby was a girl really dug deep in me. Apparently, my motherly intuitions aren’t that good and I thought she was a boy. I had hoped she was a boy. I had prayed for her to be a boy. No one wants to really admit these type of things, but whatever. Of course, Ethan and I would have loved the opportunity to just parent a son. To have a brother for our girls. But it goes beyond that. I think for me, I wanted Noah. That is some way, if this baby was a boy, I would feel closer to Noah. I would have the opportunity to use his bedding, to use his clothes. To let his memory live through his brother. Watching his video this morning, just reminds me thats it. There is no more to his story. I have felt very peaceful about our loss for the last few years. I can talk about Noah and read about him or letters from people without getting too stirred up. But it is still there. You move on, you continue to live, you continue to enjoy life and other blessings. But I am continually reminded that the pain is not gone. As a matter of fact, it feels as it is still right under the surface. I am thankful this morning for my quiet time. I am thankful for opportunities like this to spend with my memories. I am thankful that God knows more than me and find comfort in the following:<\/p>\n

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”<\/p>\n

I hold tight to this. That God has a plan for us. I don’t know why his plan was different than mine, but it says “not to harm you”. And the fact that I have hope and a future with God is enough for me right now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It is quiet in the house today. We took a last minute visit to Houston this weekend and left the girls there. My parents will meet us in Dallas on Thursday for my grandfather’s 90th birthday. I usually find myself … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-240","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-noah"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p4qUqt-3S","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whaleylife.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/240","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whaleylife.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whaleylife.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whaleylife.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whaleylife.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=240"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.whaleylife.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/240\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.whaleylife.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=240"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whaleylife.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=240"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.whaleylife.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=240"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}