Are you as confused as me yet? After I made a decision, I thought a good decision, to stay with my original doctor, some new information came to light, and I was able to make an appointment with a high-risk doctor. Everything went great with my visit. I felt comfortable, respected and that God truly opened this door for me. She confirmed that she thought I was in the right place, and delivering at Hermann was definitley a better choice. She reviewed all of Noah’s records and agreed with many, many others that we just don’t know what happened. Tough to hear even 10 months later. But we feel good that this pregnancy will progress as normal.

My due date is estimated for Oct 3. I will continue to see her monthly until week 32, then do visits more often. I will have an ultrasound at 20 weeks, then maybe one more before 34 weeks. At 34, we will do them every week. I am hoping that checking on the baby every week at that point will be enough.

Today, we were able to see the baby. He was moving all around like he was dancing or something. We even saw the casual wave to the parents, like to say, “Hey mom. Everything is cool in here.” We saw and heard the heart beating. Overall had a wonderful visit. I may not have any more news for 4 weeks, so don’t check back too often, GiGi. 🙂

After the previous post, I have had a few people saying, “Good – I think it is good to go high risk”. Well the news is that I am going back to Dr. G. Not by choice really. I spoke with the nurse of the HRD and in so many words she told me that they could not take patients who were not really “high-risk”. She only saw patients one half-day a week, and couldn’t take up other “real” patients’ time with caring for me. Okay, maybe that is not exactly how it was worded, but that is how it felt. Because I voiced a concern about delivering in the Med Center, I was given the option of seeing a Generalist in the Med Center. Basically, Dr. Joe Schmoe, or his/her resident. I wouldn’t get the care throughout the pregnancy that I want, but I would deliver in the Med Center. So, I weighed this decision for the last few days. And the care and concern that I receive over the next 7 months is more important to me than where I deliver. Plus, I really have to believe that God is going to take care of us wherever we are.

So, I will continue with my blood work this week and see Dr. G in 3 weeks. I will probably have an ultrasound at 16 weeks and a consult with the HRD. My doctor does not have the equipment to do high-level ultrasounds, so my nurse suggested we go to the HRD’s office for those and then they would have my records on file in case something shows up in the pregnancy and I transfer to HR. Bottom line is I will continue to see Dr. G. I will have several ultrasounds leading up to 30 weeks (usually I only had one at 20 weeks). 30-36 weeks I will have ultrasounds every two weeks. Then every week leading up to 38 weeks, where I will then be induced. What these ultrasounds will show, I don’t know. But they will look at such things like the health, weight, tone, fluid level, and movements. I think it is important to say, I am comfortable with this decision. I have a post written last week, that I never published, where I voiced my anger, concern and fear of the whole decision. But now, I have received some peace about having to make this decision.

And, I guess the word is getting out. I wasn’t really trying to keep it a secret, but I was hesitant at first. But since Alyssa is telling her teachers at church, “Mommy has a baby in her tummy”, you have permission to tell others who may care… if you haven’t already. The due date will be late September, but hopefully I will deliver mid-September. Man that feels like a lifetime away.

Today was my second doctor’s visit. By date, I am 7 weeks pregnant. Ethan, Alyssa and I watched the ancient screen on Dr. G’s ultrasound machine. At 7 weeks there is not alot to see. We saw the sac and an “object”. It is hard to explain to a 2 year old, why her baby brother/sister looks like that. I just remind her that the baby has to grow and then it will look like a “baby”. And because she is two, she accepts that. The Dr. said he could see signs of the circulatory system forming, looked like a beating heart, but it was not that yet. So for now, things look normal.

We discussed in detail, again, the possibility of transferring to a high-risk doctor (HRD). Bottom line is the choice is mine. I really don’t like that. I wanted a professional to decide what is best for the baby. The HRD said she would not do anything different than my doctor, but I would have the access to regular ultrasounds. That is all I need to keep my peace of mind. Though nothing on ultrasound would have showed Noah’s condition, regular checks on the baby’s progress with ultrasound will make me feel better. We also discussed delivering in the Med Center. My doctor does not have priviledges there, so I would deliver at Oak Bend again. While I do not think the doctors there made any mistakes, I will forever wonder if I had been in the Med Center, with the best doctors, would things have been different. And whatever I do this time around, I do not want to second guess my decisions. Therefore, because I want regular ultrasounds and the Med Center, I am going hi-risk.

It is a hard decision for me, because I have a lot of history with Dr. G. Good history. He and his staff took great care of me through both pregnancies, and he cared about what happened to Noah. He constantly called to be updated on Noah’s progress while at TX Children’s. He has sat and listened and answered my tough questions on more than one occasion. He is a great doctor. And because I know him that well, I want him to walk me through this again. But I will settle for having to bring our healthy baby to his office in September and having the standard Dr. G holding the baby picture.

I will set up an appointment with the HRD and we will begin our journey.

So much to say, yet my fingers are frozen, my brain is quiet. The title to my first post frightens me now that it is in print. But, yes, we ARE doing this again. I am pregnant.

I trust God, therefore, I need no other guarentee. And that is good, because no one else is giving me a guarantee of anything. A guarantee that this time will be normal, a guarantee that this time will be easier, a guarantee that I will get my dream this time. And that dream is for a healthy baby.

After taking the pregnacy test this morning, I quietly sat on the edge of the bathtub trying to be patient. Wondering if it was going to again show negative, like it had 2 times in the past 4 days. Do you think I am impatient? I cautiously look at the results to find out the window shows “pregnant.” With the two previous pregnancies, I was immediately excited. Immediately wanted to tell everyone. But this time was different. I was shaking. I was thankful, oh so thankful to my God who has listened to my prayers for the last 8 months. I have not wanted a baby as bad as I wanted this one. Yes, that’s right, I “thought” I was ready for another baby 8 months ago. But like I have named this blog, God knows the plans He has for me. And in hinesight, He was right. I needed that time to draw close to Him and to grieve for Noah. But here I am, finally pregnant again. Excited beyond belief and scared to death. But I will allow the words of God to lead me, “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I must trust that God has plans for me, and plans for our baby. So here we go….