(View this video last. It hosed my machine every time I clicked on it.)
Noah
Let’s start with Noah. This week was his 6th birthday. Well, that just sounds weird. It would have been his 6th birthday, or I can say it was 6 years since his birth. But since the girls really think of Noah as 6, I guess it is his 6th birthday. Me? I am not exactly sure how I think of him. Is he 6? Is he the infant I knew? Is he just a perfect holy being? Whew – I try not to get caught up in all that because I just don’t think my human mind was meant to comprehend heaven. But for the girls, he is 6 and we celebrated. We did our traditional balloons. I like that now they like to write and draw pictures on the balloons. (We figured out one year that a balloon cannot take a piece of paper all the way to heaven.) We then decorated cupcakes and enjoyed the evening watching his video and scrolling through pictures of him in the hospital. I began to retell the story of where we were and why he looked that way more than I have in the past. It makes my heart so happy that my girls know who he is and help me keep his memory alive.

Church
We have such an awesome small group at church. We meet each week at our home and try to have some meaningful uplifting time while the 12-14 children play “quietly” upstairs. I have been blessed by many of the families in this group. This week on a moments notice we collected items to be taken to victims of the recent tornadoes in Alabama. I loved to see my car packed with shoes, food, toys, baby items etc. I am thankful for the generous friends that surround me.

Texas
Which brings me to this. Come on, I had to make sure you read the whole post. This is not one of those that you can just scan upon will. This is our home for the last 3.5 years. This is the sign that made it a reality that we are moving back to Texas. Ethan has been unemployed since December and was offered a job in Austin. Someone responded to your resume? “Yea.” Someone wants to hire you? “Yes.” We have to move to Texas? “We can do that.” We will be right in the middle of all our family instead of the east coast people, 14 hours away from birthday, holiday get-togethers. We are excited to be closer to family, but my heart will miss so much in Tennessee. I LOVE this place. LOVE. I have awesome friends who have been through the tough stuff with me. I have amazing neighbors who will do anything I ask. I can let my 7yr old walk down the street alone, I mean, that itself is hard to let go. The weather, the beauty and friendliness of this place is priceless. My prayer is that the Lord will graciously bless us in Austin with even half of what we have been blessed with here.

There is something about the sky in the Houston area. I don’t know what it is, but it immediately connects me to Noah. Maybe the clouds form a certain way here that they don’t in Nashville. Maybe its that I can see the horizon. Maybe it is just that my mind connects Noah to this town. Whatever it is I like it. I like the memories. We shared some balloons with brother today.

I will never get used to seeing my son’s name on this stone.

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I hold tight to this. That God has a plan for us. I don’t know why his plan was different than mine, but it says “not to harm you”. And the fact that I have hope and a future with God is enough for me right now.

The Heavenly Daily News
from Aunt April

It was an exciting day here in heaven last week. The
sun was shining, as always. The birds were singing,
always do. And the excitement in the air was building.

It was the birthday of one of heaven’s precious
children. Noah Whaley was turning 3. It was the
birthday of many others, that’s true, but an
excitement builds in heaven for the children when Noah
Whaley has a birthday.

Every May 3rd, children run to the edges of heaven to
see and hopefully get a balloon, and Noah is no
different. His dark hair pushed from his angelic face
as he ran at full speed to heaven’s edge. “Wait for
it” he told the other children.

Within seconds balloons started arriving in heaven.
Children eagerly reached and grabbed the string, each
carrying a message for Noah. “I love you” one said, “I
miss you” said another. Each message was in a
different voice, each message conveying the love the
sender had for Noah.

By the end of the day, each child had received a
balloon and shared it’s message with Noah, who by this
point was covered in cake. Angel food cake of course.

Noah finished this exciting day in the arms of Jesus.
He ran to Jesus with all the messages that had been
sent that day. Jesus examined them one-by-one. He
fashioned all the messages into a blanket and covered
Noah with it. And so Noah slept, surrounded in his
family’s love.

In the meantime, Noah, we will talk about you, we will touch your picture, we will give you kisses, we will tell complete strangers about you, we will wish you good days in heaven, we will tell your new siblings about you, and we will remember.

But the reason for my title… After looking at the picture of Bennett, I went back to my picture of Noah. First thought: He sure was cute. Next thought: Is that my child? Was that real? Did I actually give birth to a baby that is not here anymore? For me now, so much of Noah is a memory, a feeling, an emotion. Noah is in my heart, he is in my mind, but he is not something visual to me. I can remember touching him, kissing him, holding him. But until I see the pictures, until I watch the video, I forget how real it all was. Let me tell you how much those can bring him back to me. And now 2 years later, in a new house, a new city, I still wish he were here. We continue to miss your presence Noah Allen Whaley.

This has been 2+ years in the making. After Noah died, April, my sister-in-law, had this idea to create a better space for those who spend so much time in the TCH waiting room. In Noah’s memory, she collected $7,855 to put toward a renovation project for the waiting room. Thanks to April’s perseverance, this room was finally completed.

We had a small unveiling today with our family, some of Terry’s co-workers and even one of Noah’s nurses. It was very special to see so many people paying tribute to Noah.

New chairs were purchased and the room was arranged in a way that allows families to be more comfortable during their time in this room. The best part was that artwork was done by a group of 6th graders to remember Noah’s life. No doubt, our balloon tradition was passed on to them, because the theme of each piece was balloons. It is awesome. I spoke with one of Noah’s head nurses. She was in charge of his care the whole week. I thanked her for being there, thinking that she probably didn’t remember us but was just nice enough to attend when invited. However, she said that she would not have missed it. She remembers Noah, the events of that week, remembers his bedside and caring for him. I am continually amazed at how God touched lives in so many different ways through Noah’s life.

We were given balloons to release when we left, and God used something as simple as that to paint a picture for me. As we released them, the balloons did not drift up in the sky like normal, but climbed up the side of the building. Passing every floor, as if to give each child a sign of hope and peace as they looked out a window. Once they balloons made their way to the very top of the building, they were released from the vacuum and they floated into the sky. Like they covered the building of sick children with love then drifted up to heaven.

If you ever find yourself at Texas Children’s please make your way to the NICU waiting room on the 4th floor and see this room dedicated to our son.

Written by Noah’s Nana

One of my favorite songs that I found during the last 2 years is one by Steven Curtis Chapman called “With Hope.” The words expressed so well the feelings that began to fill my heart:
We can cry with hope, we can say good-bye with hope,
For our good-bye is not the end.
We can grieve with hope, we believe with hope,
There’s a place where we’ll see your face again.

We wait with hope
We ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We “let go” with hope

Over the last 2 years our family has found many ways to remember Noah and express our love as well as our pain, but it seems that the words and actions of the children, my grandchildren, have been the most powerful proof of faith. They talk about Noah without hesitation: “How big is he now? Can he see me? I miss Noah. I wish Noah was here. When will we see him? Does he see God?”. And so many more. There is not a doubt in their minds that he is happy and safe and is right where he is suppose to be.

I say all this to try to explain where my idea for a painting came from. Every holiday and birthday and even “no special reason” days, the grandchildren send off balloons for Noah to catch and whisk away. They love to do it and we are touched by their faith that he gets them. In the same way, they always relate the rainbows seen in the sky to Noah. So it seems I never look at the sky with clouds, sunshine, or rainbows without thinking of precious Noah and how much his sister and cousins love him and like to remember him.

So, after April told us about a comment that Cade made, my mind started painting a picture that I wanted as my own remembrance of Noah. Cade was talking about how rainbows are made and that God made them, but then he said, “Maybe Noah makes the rainbows with all the balloons that we send to him.” What a beautiful picture I saw in my mind!

God led me to a beautiful Christian lady, Lee Harris, and she took my ideas and put them at the tips of her brushes. The painting she presented to me encompassed every thought I have had about how I want to remember Noah. I want to name just a few, and you might find your own meaning in it—-just another reason it is such a beautiful piece of art.

3 children:

• These represent my grandchildren who love to send off balloons to Noah. They watch until there is only a dot left in the sky and they know he has grabbed them.
• A symbol of the Godhead: God, who is holding Noah in His arms; Jesus, who made it possible for us to see Noah again some day; Holy Spirit, who provides comfort and assurance through our grief and loss.
• Alyssa, Megan, Noah – what might have been

Sky and clouds:

• It is like looking into heaven, having so much of the picture made into the sky and getting a glimpse of the clear blue that lies beyond.
• Picturing Noah in the shapes of clouds everyday that I see them in the sky.

Balloons:

• So many balloons to represent all the times we let them go.
• Seeing how they float into the heavens and seemingly fade into bands of a rainbow.

Ocean:

• Endless, looking beyond, peaceful, powerful

Land:

• A promise – So faint in the background, but it is like the place waiting for us; the place where we will find Noah.

So as I look at the painting, the words of the song seem to come alive in the soft images: We wait with hope — the children standing on the shore viewing the land and the skies beyond the ocean waves. We hold on with hope –small hands clinging to the strings of the balloons knowing what beauty there will be as they fade into the rainbow. We let go with hope — Seeing the balloons float away, believing and clinging to the promise that we will meet again in a place more beautiful than any rainbow.