I know that I have my children for such a short amount of time. I know that the years go so fast and I will look back and miss the moments of tantrums, slamming doors, spilled milk, laundry, crying, whining. (Really, will anyone miss the whining?) Despite what we know, we choose work over fun. Cleaning, cooking, laundry, dusting, organizing. And if we are honest, we know that despite our best effort at those things today, we will still have to do them again tomorrow. Well, my current lot in life has given me a new perspective and today I chose fun! Messy, creative, “oh, no you didn’t”, FUN!
We took a drop cloth to the front yard and a few extra canvases and painted! All the paint you want, yes! drop it there, smear that, add some more, splatter it everywhere – paint! My only rule was that they couldn’t “draw” with the paintbrush. They had to create with creativity. And, I had a blast. When you let the concerns of life go, you can just allow yourself to be free. And, surprisingly, kids are very creative if you give them the space. I think mine were a little surprised with the “fun” that this mom allowed today. Even though I now have a garage of paint supplies to clean up in addition to my sink of dishes, laundry to fold, and floors to vacuum, I am glad that today I chose fun!
Looking into the coming week with another round of chemo on Monday, I know that each day cannot look like this. If this week mimics last, I will be in bed more times than I want, and I will be letting the work and the fun slide more than I want. Honestly, knowing what is to come, I am not looking forward to tomorrow at all. Many have asked how I feel, and I am thankful that I have not been “sick”. But Monday – Friday my body was worn, tired, jittery, just not myself. Things feel different, food tastes different and I feel like I just don’t belong where I am. But by Friday evening, I was back to myself. I was able to enjoy a good weekend of soccer, church and friends and able to fill my cup back up just enough before it gets dumped out again tomorrow. Cancer sucks.