How quickly it really goes. Childhood, summer, life… all of it. Here we are ready for another year and Alyssa was ready too. Summer is fun, but she (and her mom) enjoy the structure of school schedules. We had a few jitters and a few “I am nervous”, but she did great. We met her teacher earlier in the week and Alyssa gave her a hug at the door (of course she did) and walked right in. Found her seat, obeyed her directions and was off. She gave me one last look as to say “mom? stay.” But we both knew she was fine. Here is a little clip to document some of her thoughts at age 7.

Today is chemo #7 out of 8. You can do the math, I am almost done. I am counting down my days. But today I found a new reason to be thankful. Today, I met Lauren. She looked young. Maybe late twenties. She was alone. She had a soft buzz haircut. She looked like she knew her way around the room, so I didn’t think it was her first time. I thought and thought. I would love to talk to her, how do I open the conversation. Let’s go with the hair. Me: Is your hair coming or going? Lauren tells me that she shaved it when it began to fall out and this is what had grown back. So, it was coming. She goes on that she has Hodgkin’s lymphoma. She explained it a bit to me and has chemo every other week with 4 more to go. Trying to just engage, I asked if chemo had been easy on her. She had a quick answer of NO. She said she is queasy to begin with, but gets sick from just entering the room. She had a smelling solution while her port was accessed, she had a blue bag in case she got sick. She remains sick for up to a week, then a week off only to repeat the process. I watched her as she unplugged and wheeled these nasty drugs causing her pain to the bathroom again and again. I can hear her, and it hurts. She comes out strong, sits down for a bit then up again. And here am I… no guilt for feeling good, but I take things like scrapbook stuff to keep me busy for the 2+ hours. I have the luxury of spreading my stuff out and working. She on the other hand, just waits until it hits again. Hodgkins is one of the most curable forms of cancer. And I pray that Lauren will undergo this nasty phase in her life and then never look back again. Where as, Ethan and I wonder. Did it work? How will we know? How long till we hear the bad news that it is back? And words from your doctor like “I like to leave your port in for about a year in case something happens and we need it again” don’t sound good.

But for now, today, this post is about being thankful for what I have. I have a body that has responded excellent to the chemo. My numbers look good. I feel good enough to train for my next 1/2 marathon. I can get up each morning and take care of my family. I have had virtually no signs of nausea through it all and I am surviving. So, thank you Lord for that. Thank you for prepping me and my body to take on this disease. And thank you for encounters like today to remind me. For now, my mind is on Lauren. Wondering how the rest of her day is? Does she have friends or family to help her and they just weren’t there today? I liked her. She was confident. She was strong. She looked like a fighter. Most likely, I will never see her again, but for today she touched my life.

To the day. We arrived in shifts. Ethan and Blair drove one car to TN. The other car rode in the moving truck which came a few days later. And my parents, me and the girls flew in to our new city Aug 1, 2007. We closed on the house and took the family to see the new, empty house. We met our neighbors, we met the heat. We learned about stairs and a baby. We looked for a church, we looked for a school. And by God’s blessing, here we are. I love this place. I miss my family and my life-long friends, but I love it here. God took a huge fear in me and worked it out. To bless others and to bless us. Here’s to 3 years E…and how many more till I get that suburban?

We had a trip planned for this summer. The perfect beach house picked out and reserved, private golf cart to travel back and forth to the beach, wonderful friends to share the experience… then cancer hit. Date #1 canceled and rebooked for later in July in case all I had to do was radiation. That date came and went with no available time to go to Destin. So, kinda last minute, Ethan and I decided we still needed to do something. Something for us and something for the kids. We found The Great Wolf Lodge in Mason, OH. It was so fun! And we managed to bring Nana along to of course enjoy her company, but also to help with the girls. She took Audrey back to the room to nap while the big girls and us were able to keep playing. She took Audrey in early in the evenings, so we could keep playing. She helped with breakfast, she helped with dinner. She kept all three so Ethan and I could enjoy Kings Island right next door and get in a half-hour of Lazy River coasting. Thank you Nana for joining us and managing my kids just as well as I would. View all the photos

Waiting in line for the big rides

Floating down the lazy river

Trip to Kings Island

This is the Diamondback. The first drop on the left is a 215 ft high, 74 degree drop picking up to 80 miles/hour. I have to admit that I wouldn’t have climbed on this ride had it not been for Ethan. It was thrilling, scary and exciting. And by far the smoothest ride all night. The wooden rollercoaster we were told we had to ride, literally cracked my neck and shook my brain up a bit more than I remember the Texas Cyclone doing. A few bruises, little nausea, and a coke and  fish and chips later, I was good to go. At least for a bit. Then I wimped out to go relax in the lazy river back at the waterpark while we were kid-less.  Even with all the whining, the struggles of bedtime, the discomfort of hotel beds, the lack of eating, the perceived germs, this trip was near perfect. A good end to summer 2010.

We returned on Thursday to make it back in time for treatment #6 of 8! Whoo-hoo! I can’t believe we are this far and only have 6 more weeks of chemo to go. This last round of Cytoxin has been much easier. Very little recognizable side effects and I have felt great. Praise God! My eyebrows and eyelashes are finally starting to thin and based on a conversation with another girl, I wouldn’t be surprised to see them go before this is all over. But ya know, you just get used to that stuff. Yes, I would love a full head of hair, long, a bit thicker and preferably blond, but things are in transition right now. Lets put looks and outwardly appearances on the back burner for now – maybe forever. There are things that are more important than fitting in to the crowd. Which is why after 2 days at the park, I was perfectly fine with wearing only my Bondiband and a very well seen bald head from the back. Thank you for your support. I am not sure where I would be right now without the prayers of so many. But I know where I am, and that is strong and hopeful.

My sis-in-law, Jen, and niece, Blakely, came to visit us last week. We would have loved to have the whole family, but had a blast with just the girls. It is always fun to have another mom in the house to help manage kids, cook dinner and clean up. Jen has got about the most laid-back personality of anyone I know, so we always have a great time together.


We had a girl’s shopping trip and shared some Sweet Cece’s in downtown Franklin.

We tie-dyed matching shirts.

Alyssa and BK still get along so well even though they are getting older. They did a good job letting Megan play too. I hope these girls keep a relationship like this for the rest of their lives. Thanks Jen for coming to help take care of me and my family. We enjoyed every minute. Well except the 35 minute airport delay we got stuck in after dropping you off. But that was my fault for making you run to your plane. Love you both!

I love this family. People ask how I know Kedra and the best answer I can give is – how do I not know her? As far as I know we have been friends since 1976. That is from birth in case you wonder. We’ve done it all together: preschool, gymnastics, soccer, boyfriends, college, marriage, births and deaths. IT ALL. This friend would do anything for me and since our family vacation to Destin together was canceled, they came here. Thank you friends. It was so much fun.

Ethan and I have agreed to relieve stress and make ourselves feel better by planting pretty things. Those that know us well or have been to the house, have seen the bird sanctuaries that Ethan tries to create. We feed most of the neighborhood birds at some point throughout the year and now we are trying to attract butterflies and hummingbirds. We love the color. We love the randomness we are creating. And the butterflies do too so far.


Attempting to harvest our own pumpkins this year.

Our giant sunflowers. This is even taller than me, and I am so anxious to see them bloom (if I don’t kill them first)

Attempting to get a simple picture of my three girls…..impossible.

The annual 4th of July parade.

And one reason I love this neighborhood. You just need a Nana to buy you something fun and wait for your friends to walk by in the evening. Instant party.

Let me tell you a little story about our Father’s Day. Ethan and I have never been one to give gifts. I guess it is neither of our love languages. We speak of occassions, celebrate anniversaries with nice dinners, and enjoy cakes on our birthdays. So Mother’s and Father’s Day have not been much different. Mother’s Day this year fell on a treatment weekend for me. As I recall, I spent the day… No…. it was an off weekend. It should have been a good day. But I was sick, most likely from low white blood counts, and had a simple cold turn into a long day of rest. I slept the entire day. And if Ethan had come in the morning and said, “honey, we are giving you the day off. Here is breakfast and stay in your room all day and rest…” that would have been awesome. But it was more of “you don’t need to do anything today because your 12 naps today seem like a necessity.”

So today. Father’s Day. We all made Daddy a card. We went to church. We offered him lunch of his choice, but Cracker Barrel was incredibly crowded. So we opted for home. I had intended if nothing else, to give him a day off. (Mainly, because that is what I would like.) So he tried to do some dishes and I sent him away to watch soccer and relax on the couch. (Yeah, me) So, I did the mundane task of unloading the dishwasher only to fill it back up with the dishes in the sink. I attempted to get lunch made for the girls, but lost my temper in the process and broke a dish. Megan asked me, “why did you break it?” I told her that it just broke. Then later she heard Ethan ask, ” Did you get mad or did it just break?” I admitted, “I was mad.” I hear Megan in her sweet voice, “soooo, that’s why you broke it.”

So lunch is underway. Everyone is eating or not eating (like usual). Audrey is throwing stuff off her highchair. Megan is twisting and turning in her chair because she chose to not sit in her booster. And helpful Alyssa, is getting up and down “helping” Audrey with all the stuff she is throwing off. I suppose the kicker was when Audrey continued to bang her hands on the tray in a fit of rage. When that didn’t work, started to grab her hair and pull. Again. I slid my chair back in anger, slapped her in on the hand and said NO. Again. I threw her tray on the counter, pulled her out of her chair and promptly took her to bed. (I did of course hug and kiss her on the way, telling her I was sorry her mommy got so mad. Rocked her for a minute, then she took a nap. I just can’t stay mad at that girl.) Then I crawled into my bed where I proceeded to take a 3 hour nap. Awesome, huh?

So the great part of this story is the man behind this family. He didn’t complain. He didn’t question why I was in bed. He came to check on me, gave me a hug (few tickles) and left. In and out of cycles, I noticed how quiet the house was. But it was not till I finally got out of bed that I noticed what was going on. He had taken Alyssa and Megan to the store to pick up milk (I never have milk) and the ingredients to make my favorite dinner. Not his…. mine. Then they had gone to Lowes. Oh, because before we sat down to eat, I was yelling out the window at the flowers that continue to wilt. Our saying is now: If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the garden. Just the sight of the wilting flowers was pushing me over the edge. So, he goes to Lowes, and spends who knows how much on flowers. Not to replace those in the corner, something is seriously wrong with the water, sun and ground combination, but to make the front of the house look pretty. And as I type this, he is outside washing my car. He knows the way to make this woman happy.

So my story today could be of my father. A man I admire. A man I respect. A man who taught me to pray. A man who through his failures has become more of a father to me than he might imagine. A man who never gives up. A man who loves his family and the Lord.

But today is about my husband. A man who is tired just like me. A man who is exhausted from work. A man who is exhausted from his wife’s illness. A man who needs his downtime on the weekend. But a man who knows how to step up. A man who can put aside a restful day meant to serve him to instead serve his wife. I love you, Ethan. Thank you for continue to take care of us all when I fall miserably behind.

So, yesterday was cycle #4 of the 1st round. Which means, I am half way done with chemotherapy. Seems like I should be celebrating, but I guess the 12 more weeks of round 2 and 6 weeks of radiation are dampering my excitement a bit. But honest, seriously, let me rejoice that I made it through the hardest part. The 1st round drugs are the harshest, the side effects have all taken effect and I am still kickin’. Still singing, still laughing, still here.  So, yes, I should pause and praise God for getting me this far. I will worry about tomorrow when it comes.

I guess I have missed the opportunity in updating my friends on the last few cycles. #2 and #3 were the toughest. I have not been sick or even nauseous, but just feeling down. Tired, wiped, not myself. I think those feelings lead to a saddened state in which I wallow around in for a few days. Then by Monday, I am usually on my way back up and can have a good 10 days before it starts over. I have picked up my running and biking again and that really helps. After cycle #4, yesterday, I did not have to go back and get the Newlastin shot that helps boost my white blood cells. They have remained high – because of the shot, and since it was my last cycle I didn’t need it. So I am very curious to see how much of my side effects were the shot or the actually chemo drugs. Because as of right now, I am doing better than the last 2 cycles. Alyssa has been in VBS all week, so this morning me and lil’ girls ran a few errands then watched Alyssa’s final day program and had lunch with Ethan. It has been a busy day and I still feel good. Hopefully it will continue through the weekend.

I will start round 2 in two weeks which is supposed to be more tolerable. And I will have 3 weeks between each treatment so that will allow for more good days. We have a lot of family and friends coming to visit us this summer since we can’t make it back to Texas. And we are hoping to take a little vacation in late July.

So that is the drug story, now you are all wondering about Julie’s hair – aren’t you? After cycle #1 we shaved it off. Ethan did a fabulous job for his first cut and the girls came and went and watched. They asked questions and Alyssa was concerned what people would think of me with no hair, but in all they took it like champs. We shared a few emotional moments in the cutting process, but it was just another step in the journey. Over the last 4 weeks, I have seen it go from  your typical summer crew cut to almost completely bald. It just slowly came out and each day it would seem a little more. I do not enjoy walking past the mirror, but it is what it is. I am thankful that I can walk around the house and have even ventured in the yard with nothing on my head. Imagine wearing a hat all day long, sometimes your head just needs to breathe. The girls don’t seem to mind and when people are in my house, get ready because you might see the full monty [head]. But when I go out, I have lots of options. I have made a few, bought some fabric that I can just tie around my head, had accessories given to me to dress it up and the latest…. well, see for yourself.

I never thought I would want a wig, but I just love it. I was just missing hair. I got over the self-conscience feeling of being out and this is just for me. Who knows maybe I will just keep the color. Thanks for checking in and I will keep you updated as treatment and hairstyles continue. Love you, friends.